


The Smell of Hairspray Smells Like Home

by TheDarkRat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anti-Climatic Voldemort Death, Black Hermione Granger, But Not Exactly Dumbledore Friendly, Chaos Theory, Dead Vernon Dursley, Evans Sister Friendship, Harry Being Non-Binary, Harry Has Tamed Hair, Minerva McGonagall is a Good Friend, Minor Mention of Miscarriage, No Specific Bashing, One Instance of Homophobic Words, Petunia Owns a Salon, Ron Weasley is Kind of a Dick, Severus Snape is a Dick, This Plot Bunny Bit Me and Wouldn't Let Go, Women Supporting Women, hair dressing, not graphic, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 12:36:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20835572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDarkRat/pseuds/TheDarkRat
Summary: Vernon dies in a car accident.Lily goes to visit in secret (everything she does is in secret these days).Lily asks what she can do to help. Petunia asks for a new start. Lily thinks about the vaults of gold guarded by goblins and says she can help with that.





	The Smell of Hairspray Smells Like Home

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Mention of Miscarriage. It's literally one sentence and not at all graphic. But it's there. 
> 
> Author Notes:   
First, I dedicate this to my own Auntie. She had an in-home hair salon for decades. I didn't learn the trade, but I remember being small and sitting in her salon and just watching. I remember the smells of the shampoos, of the mousse, of the hairspray. I remember the sound of the snipping scissors. It was a large part of my childhood. 
> 
> Secondly, I tend to write in bullet points with vaguely poetic prose. And I'm only half-sorry for that.

Vernon dies in a car accident and Petunia loses her baby through the stress. 

Lily goes to visit in secret (everything she does is in secret these days). 

Lily asks what she can do to help. Petunia asks for a new start. Lily thinks about the vaults of gold guarded by goblins and says she can help with that. 

They sell the house (their parent's house, Petunia and Vernon hadn't moved to Privet Drive yet).

And use the money to first send Petunia to beauty school. Then, when she graduates, a shop. She names it Helen's (after their mother).

Lily is the first person to get her hair done there. (It will be Lily's last).

When Voldemort attacks, it all goes the normal way. Including Harry being dropped off with his only remaining blood relative. 

However, instead of sitting on a stone wall as a cat all day, Minerva has the option to go muggle and tries to snag a walk-in appointment. She asks some light questions and Petunia answers in kind. But then Petunia recognizes a wizarding reference. 

"You're a witch! Have you heard anything from my sister, Lily Potter?" 

"I'm so sorry, dear. She's been killed."

They close the shop for the day, Petunia rescheduling appointments by rote then they retreat to the flat above. 

Minerva explains, best she can. Petunia asks about Harry. And Minerva smiles. She has a good feeling. 

"He's alive. Being checked by a Healer today. Albus is bringing him to you." 

Petunia, who had made up with Lily and recognized that her new lot in life would not be possible without wizarding gold or a witch sister, had already put aside her jealousy. 

Minerva stays the day, helping Petunia get a space ready for a 1-year-old nephew. Petunia gives the older woman a standing invite to tea and a hair appointment. (Minerva shows up every Sunday afternoon, like clockwork, for the next 10 years. Harry calls her Grammy Minnie when he’s small, and then just Gran when he’s bigger.) 

When Albus arrives, attempting to be suitably mysterious, both women call him out on it. He gets a little flummoxed but hands over the child. 

The sacrifice wards that Lily made on Harry woosh up and sparkle. Knowing consent was important, something Albus was never too knowledgeable about. (No chess masters really are.) He broods over his almost miscalculation. 

He leaves. Minerva stays to help settle the lad. She mentions going to the Goblins so that Petunia will have access to Harry's trust if needed. 

The three of them go the next day and the Goblins have black magic detectors. The reign of Voldemort has been bad for business. 

A Horcrux is found. Minerva is aghast. How could Albus have missed this? He had the child for a whole day. She orders a full scan medical and magical done on both aunt and nephew. 

The Goblins find the Horcrux. It is easily removed, it hadn't had a chance to truly latch on to poor little Harry. 

On Petunia, even more interestingly is that she's a squib. Yes. But a fixable condition if you know how to ask. The Goblins have always known how to help squibs - the magic is there, just the ability to use it is broken. And wizards never ask. (They think they know everything.) 

They fix the magical pathways. Petunia will never be as powerful as someone using magic all their life but she will have some ability. She bursts into tears. She would trade magic for her sister if she could. (In another world, perhaps, she’d wished the opposite.) 

While at the bank, the Potters' wills are read. They learn that Sirius is innocent and that Dumbledore was a little too secretive and unforthcoming to be trusted completely. (Minerva thinks about how Albus had the child for a whole day, supposedly having him checked over with Poppy Pomphrey - and agrees.)

They learn of the prophecy. In its entirety. And all the headaches that it caused. 

All in all a big day. 

Minerva brings the wills to the DMLE first thing the next morning. Sirius Black is just in a holding cell, for now, completely catatonic, so he hasn't yet stepped foot in Azkaban. 

The Will allows for a trial. Truth serum is used. Sirius is cleared. 

Minerva takes Sirius out of the Ministry. She explains what happened. What Albus has done. And could now be done. 

Sirius knows that Lily and Petunia made up. So he sends a letter and the salvageable contents of the cottage in Godric's Hollow. Heirlooms and keepsakes alike. 

Forewarned of the Horcruxes, Minerva also explains this to Amelia Bones, the head of the DMLE, and a task force is formed. Sirius volunteers for it. 

Lupin comes home from abroad two months later. A pile of mail is waiting for him. 

He runs to Minerva (who has since gotten a cottage near the Evans's). Then, after a fraught afternoon of tea, grief, rage, and more tea, he runs to Sirius. In this world, Remus was never doubted, but it would have been hard to play double-werewolf-spy and be secret keeper. He was part of the discussion about the final decision. A signed witness on the Will. 

He stays to help teach Petunia and Harry magic and about the magical world. 

Meanwhile Petunia still keeps busy in her salon. She likes being the gossip hub of the neighbourhood. (This is the same in every world.) And Harry, when he's older, will help out by sweeping and filling stock. He’ll learn the trade at Petunia’s knee and she’ll be so proud of him. 

Petunia will give him nice and stylish and regular haircuts (and because she means them out of love, his hair does not grow back overnight).

Remus and Sirius are also regulars. And somehow, Petunia gets a whole subset of magicals in her shop as customers. She doesn’t know how it happened, but she keeps a separate register for sickles and galleons. 

Harry has an eye for detail and steady hands for a young child - Petunia lets him practice doing the nails of the neighbourhood girls when they come in with their mothers. 

She teaches him all sorts of hair tricks, both for natural and smooth hair, braids and updos. Because that's what she knows. And if her work stays up longer, the dye jobs more vibrant, the curls tighter? Well. That's her trade secret, isn't it? Her shop’s reputation grows. Harry charms everyone with his gap-toothed smile and no one really blinks at his own painted nails. 

The Horcrux task force has found the links to Voldemort and the locket and the cup have been found. (Sirius was the first to volunteer the Black properties to the curse breakers. His family had been ardent supporters. Who knew what they’d been given or created.) By the time Harry is off to Hogwarts, the war has already been headed off at the pass. 

Albus has been under scrutiny from the beginning, from Minerva and Amelia and Petunia.

And if a certain subset of people show up at Gringotts for speciality healing, well. The goblins won't say. Many older squibs suddenly pursue hobbies in potionneering, in runes and arithmancy, in magical artistry, and other non-wanded magical careers. No one seems to notice the influx. Wizards are blind. The economy grows. 

At Hogwarts, on the train, Harry avoids Ron because he can recognize a fame/gossip seeker any day (with his eyes closed). Besides, that being raised by Petunia, Harry is exceptionally punctual. He is not late for the train. Instead, he finds and befriends Hermione, Lavender and the Patil twins. Hair tips and tricks all ‘round. 

Hermoine’s natural hair has never been cared for correctly (she has white adoptive parents who love her so much but are so busy) so Harry’s first letter home is he misses his Auntie, a request for specific products, the girls are really nice, the boys so-so, and oh, I got into Gryffindor!

Petunia frames it. 

Her boy, he knows her trade. Gossip and beauty-making, like an insider. Here’s proof. She knows, if all else fails, he’ll inherent Helen’s and do amazing. She’s proud of him. Just for him being him. (In another world, no one would be proud of Harry simply because he was just Harry. The pride was always tied up with other things.) 

The boys don’t know what to do with Harry’s seemingly magic ability to talk to girls. (or his painted nails.) (They'd call it witchcraft, but...)

Ron shows his bullying ways by trying to call him a faggot. Harry looks at Ron, all quiet-like, tilts his head to one side, considering. 

“And if I were?” he asks, seriously, quietly, the other boys (Neville especially) hear the danger in quiet. Ron has never experienced a quiet anger, a quiet danger. (How could he, in the house and family he grew up in?) 

Ron deflates a bit, he’d expected yelling or a fist. 

“Then you like boys up your arse!” Ron yells, and then adds “stay away from me, freak!” 

Harry, who didn’t go to the village school (home-schooled by Petunia and Remus) but did play in the village’s football team knows these insults well. They have toughened his skin. But also - he has Sirius and Remus as examples of adult men, (who learned maturity quickly and painfully) and are the cutest couple ever. Even Petunia clucks over them. (Being wizarding adjacent has really opened her eyes to the acceptability of almost everything.)

Harry, who doesn’t know yet if he’s gay or straight, but know there’s nothing wrong with both or either - nods. 

“Very well then. Seamus, you want to switch with me?” 

So, they switch beds. And Ron doesn’t know what happened. The other three boys, do. Ron has lost. Before he even started to play. 

The next morning, the four boys leave Ron to sleep in and miss breakfast because they won’t wake him. Dean was going to, but Harry intervened. 

“If you do that today - you’ll be stuck doing it for the rest of the 7 years. He’s the type who needs to learn to fend for himself.” Harry’s always had an eye for people.

Dean thinks about last night and about the train ride over. He accepts Harry’s logic. 

The other boys follow suit. Ron doesn’t get up until half 10. He’s missed breakfast and the first half of his first-class on the first day. 

The Twins congratulate him on getting detention already. Percy yells. Ron yells at his dorm mates. 

“Why didn’t you berks wake me up?” 

“Why is that our job? We all set alarms. Why didn’t you?” 

And because of course, Ron has started this conversation in the middle of the common room, he is judged, harshly, but correctly in the court of public opinion. 

“You can’t expect your mother to do things for you forever.” 

That evening (and for almost every evening thereafter at Hogwarts) Harry helps Hermoine with her hair. He puts it up in tight braids for her and they talk about the classes they shared. Lavender and Pavarti join in too. 

So the letters Harry sends home are full of more requests for muggle nail polish and hair products. The wixen girls share their owl order catalogues of wixen products too.

It’s soon realized that Harry knows his stuff, and girls going on Hogsmeade dates pay him to do their hair. 

He tells his Auntie. She is so proud. 

He tells his godfathers. Sirius thinks he’s gonna be one hell of a ladies’ man. Remus, more soberly, and perhaps more rightly, that Harry would never use his power for evil. 

Minerva still shows up on Sunday, every week for a touch-up and tea with Petunia. They’ve become good friends. Almost as good as Lily was with Minerva. 

Harry still has to stop himself from calling out “Gran!” when he sees Minerva in the castle. 

Hagrid never brought Harry to Diagon Alley, he didn’t need to. Harry has been in and out of the Alley and his local mixed wixen/muggle village for years. The Boy-Who-Lived hype isn’t as pronounced as it might have been in another life. 

After all, most of the old biddies who gossip have been to Helen’s at least once. And the magic of a boy hero is not so much tarnished but diminished as they see him sweeping up cut hair and gabbing with them over the latest hairstyles of the royal family or other celebrities. Or they see him playing with village kids in the football league. No one looks heroic when they’re a 7-year-old living grass stain. 

When Harry first enters Severus’ classroom, he has braided up his hair, french braid, on the side of his left skull diagonally. Harry thinks it’s very Punk Elegance. (A fashion only he sees in things.) 

It makes Severus confused. He doesn’t know that that Petunia and Lily made up. He doesn’t know that Harry calls Minerva "Gran" when she’s over for tea. He doesn’t know that Sirius Black has grown up and has seen a psychologist for years. He doesn’t know that Remus joined him for a few a couple of long months. He doesn’t know that grief and guilt turned the remaining (loyal) Marauders into functioning adults and almost parents. He doesn’t know that Harry isn’t James. What he does know is that Harry is sometimes seen in the wixen world with Sirius Black. He does know that Harry looks well fed, well cared for, and happy. He does know that Harry is already popular by the way he holds court at the Gryffindor table. 

So when Harry walks into the potion classroom speaking softly to the pride of small lionesses, Severus is confused. But rationalized his confusion with hatred for the father. He then sees a mini-James already prancing around like a peacock for the female attentions. 

Determined to call the boy on his big-headed fame, he throws out potions questions. 

Harry answers each one. After all, potion-making is similar to cooking. And both he and Auntie Petunia are exceptionally good cooks. Their potions are also equally good. 

Severus barks at the children. Teaching was something he was never meant for. He was always too cold, too sharp, and too intuitive in his own learning to be able to explain the HOW. 

Harry looks at the board, and the potion instructions it. He then turns to his fellow classmates. He takes a deep breath and decides to act. And he asks, “Who’s had practice with potions before?” 

Snape goes to yell and take points but only four children out of the two dozen raise their hands. If he counts Potter, that’s only 5. Even though there are more than that many wixen families represented here. 

Severus sneers, “Did your parents think it was beneath them to teach you anything?”

“No,” says Tracy Davis, one of his own snakes, “My mother, who’s a witch, said that potions were too dangerous.”

“My da’ said he wasn’t good enough to teach me anything.” pipes Seamus.

“My older brother said that he learned nothing in potions because of you.” says a very brave and very surprised Gregory Goyle, but gathering speed he continues. “He said you don’t teach. Just yell and take points. And from what I've seen, he was right.” 

Harry listens and watches. This is a turning point. Before Snape can rage, even at his brave snake, Harry does something. (Harry will always do something. In every world Harry is a doer.) 

“Alright, guys. That’s okay. This potion is simple. That’s why it’s the first one in the book. Now - Goyle, Davis, come here. I’ll show the most important part.” Harry moves to show them the porcupine quills. “These are sensitive to heat. More so than any other of the ingredients we’re working with today. So here in the instructions where it says to add them - you want to make sure you’ve taken the cauldron off the fire beforehand.” 

Harry’s voice is friendly. Importantly, he is right. Snape’s blood pressure has decided to skyrocket. His face goes an ugly mauve. (In another world, Harry might have compared the colour to Uncle Vernon.) 

“So, little famous Potter has decided he knows more than the professor? 50 points from Gryffindor.” 

"No." Says Harry. Harry who has learned at the knees of former bullies how bullies are. Harry who has learned how to read people. Harry who is friendly and loyal enough for Hufflepuff, but more than brave enough for the lions. Harry who is 11 and knows how adults should act (and this is not it). And Harry, will not stand for it. 

"No. You will not take those points. Nor will you give detention. If you think that I'm being big-headed, well, I can’t help how you think. But I can and will help my classmates. Are you going to stop me?"

"Yes. 100 points from Gryffindor." 

"As you say, sir." Harry turns back to his classmates - whose faces range from shocked, to curious, to angry (on whose behalf Harry doesn’t know (it’s on his)), to terrified. “Alright. The first step is to gather all your ingredients. Make sure you have everything within easy reach. 

"OUT POTTER!" shouts Snape. And Harry looks at him. It is a look that is all Lily, all Petunia, all Evans disappointment. And Snape cannot handle it. "OUT!"

Harry gathers his things and leaves. But not before, "I’ll tutor anyone in potions on Monday and Thursday nights. Library. Houses don’t matter." 

Then he leaves. 

The classroom is silent. 

Then Snape yells again, “Get to work you, dunderheads!” 

No one explodes their cauldron because of the quills. But everyone’s potion is wrong. Whether they did it on purpose (Draco, in solidarity with his best friend who was extremely brave for speaking up. Gregory Goyle found his courage that day.) or by accident (Neville and Ron) every single student fails that first day. 

Minerva is grading when Harry knocks on her door. He asks for her pensive. Harry has grown up with magical guardians as well as his mostly-muggle aunt. Harry knows what he’s about.

He pulls the memory of his potions class and then asks about the average NEWTs class size for potions. 

As Deputy Headmistress, Minerva has that information. Severus only accepts O students for his NEWTs class. His reasonings are always listed as “Safety concerns for any lower scores.” 

So, she tells Harry that this year there are 6 students in the NEWTs potions class. 

Harry’s face is arranged to his “Tell me the gossip, I shall tell no one” face he uses in his aunt’s shop. 

"And the year before, he asks?" 

"5." 

"And the one before." 

"7". 

"Okay," Harry says, "how many of those NEWTs students went into a potion heavy career? Or went to the Healers at St. Mungos or the Aurors?"

Minerva can’t answer. Because none of them did. Of the 7 that graduated just last summer, 3 left the country, 1 works in their parents’ greenhouse, and the last 3 of them went into ministry office jobs. 

Harry then points to the pensive. "Keep that information in mind when you watch, please."

When Minerva surfaces, she’s angry. Not with Harry, he’s done nothing wrong. He’s done nothing that he wasn’t taught to do. (Stand up for himself. Demand an education.) But she’s angry with herself for not being more involved. She’s angry at Albus for the same reason and more. She’s angry at Severus for not being the teacher he could be if he tried. (Oh, she knows he’d never be a natural teacher. But he could be better than this.) 

She looks at Harry who has found her tin of ginger newts, nibbling on a newt tail. "150 points to Gryffindor for making me realize that I need to hire more staff." 

Harry smiles. Granma Min’s always been so busy. She holds 3 positions at the school and it’s hard on her. Even Harry can tell. 

Albus tries to cover it up. But Harry and Minerva have made a copy of Harry’s memory and written up a short article of observations and sent both to the Prophet and Quibbler. 

By the next day, the British Wixen are suddenly aghast at the international school rankings. Hogwarts is near the bottom of the 18 or so large boarding schools (there are hundreds of smaller day schools across the globe.)

The resulting investigations (done by the ICW to ensure impartiality) reveal the professors are overworked. That the Auror and Healer (among other professions, but those are the big ones) numbers have dwindled to maybe one or 2 a year almost solely because Severus Snape.

That history scores are abysmal (Goblin wars are only one segment of history, designed to be taught to 3rd years. Not repeated for every year, every class, by a ghost who cannot distinguish between students.) 

The divination classes were heavy on the most inaccurate methods and never touched options from other cultures. (Nevermind that tea was not invented in Britain.)

They find a distinct lack of arts, culture, sports, and muggle science and maths. The ICW puts Hogwarts on probation. The school has the budget available to it, it just doesn’t use it. (There are rumours that Dumbledore was using the school’s coffers as his vigilante’s war chest.)

Meanwhile, Harry tutors in potions. The Evans’ family magic of potionneering has passed to Harry. 

Harry tutors for free. But he charges for hair and makeup appointments on the weekends. 

When Christmas rolls around, he collects everyone’s addresses and when he’s home sends them muggle Christmas cards. They are glittery and cute and everyone adores them. (even if they don’t move)

He tells his Auntie all about his exploits. And she smiles and has all the newspaper articles about Hogwarts curriculum update in a scrapbook. 

She taught him well, never be satisfied with less than you deserve. And you deserve the best in education, in family, in friendship, and in health. Everything else open to negotiation. 

Draco Malfoy has also gone home for the holidays. And he also tells his parents his exploits. 

But also, of Harry’s. Of Harry being a better potion tutor than his godfather (even in one on one attention.) Of Harry losing and winning 150 points on the same day. Of Harry saying houses don’t matter and then walking the walk. 

It paints a picture. One that Draco never knew existed in his short, sheltered life. 

For the adult Malfoys they see the same picture, but with the lense of older eyes. 

The political map is shifting. 

"Isn’t your cousin on a secret taskforce for the DMLE?" 

When an owl delivers a shrunken lead box to Sirius on Boxing Day, with a note that says  **“Dangerous Object. Do Not Open”** \- he takes it to the Unspeakable assigned to the task force. In the box, there is a slim, black, leather-backed diary. It screams when they dispose of it. 

Four Horcruxes down. And now they have a new lead. Tom Marvolo Riddle. 

This leads to the suspicious murders of the muggle Riddle family, of Morphin Gaunt, of the little shack in Little Hangleton that reeks to high heaven of dark magic. 

This leads to one ring (plus an amputated hand of an Unspeakable) being dunked in a vat of basilisk venom. Five down. One more and a wraith to go. 

Someone unearths a long-forgotten ritual. It’ll show what you’re looking for if you’re desperate enough. They look for the last Horcrux “Hogwarts”. They look for the wraith “Hogwarts” 

Sirius is explosive. And the task force converges on the castle. 

Sirius, having known Harry and all his godson's goodness, asks a House Elf. They find the Come and Go Room. 

Jackpot. 

They find Quirrel and one firefight later the world has been rid of Voldemort. 

When it comes out that Albus says that Voldemort will return again and that Harry must be ready, Sirius sneers, “Oh...You mean the Horcrux that was in the scar?” 

Albus turns white. 

“The one we got rid of the day you dropped him?” 

“The one the goblins were able to easily remove?” 

Albus sits down heavily. “That one?” says Sirius.

The New Year hasn’t been rung in yet and already a new age is dawning. 

Voldemort is well and truly dead. Hogwarts is getting the education they deserve.

Minerva becomes Headmistress solely, finally having gotten enough staff to not double up on positions. 

And when Harry graduates, he opens a chain of mixed magical/muggle salons. Lavender and Pavarti’s fashion house only use his products for their models. He makes sure that everyone, regardless of species, blood-status, class, or gender, is welcome in his shops. (Even by magical standards, Harry’s a maverick.)

The Healers at St Mungo’s got a boost during those 7 years. So did the Aurors. 

A Golden Age dawns that new year. Brought on by the friendship of two sisters. Brought on by love. Albus was both right and wrong. He thought love was a shield. What he forgot was that shields are weapons in their own right - it depends on which side you’re standing on. 


End file.
